Maybe disruption is a good thing

So, I’ve really struggled to write this post. It highlights a lot of very personal fears, which quite frankly, I thought I’d got over. One thing I have always promised myself is that these blog posts will be honest and authentic and this particular post is particularly vulnerable. I touch on issues I haven’t previously, but issues that are absolutely real and very relevant in today’s world.

The last time I wrote was in January.

I was geared up for 2016. I recognised the beauty of difficult moments and the way they helped me grow. I guess you could say I was pretty comfortable. Fast forward to April, and my comfortability is suddenly disrupted and it was clear this was going to be yet another turning point.

I found a new challenge; discovering the true meaning of something known as ‘Imposter Syndrome’. And where better for it to rear its ugly head than in India?

Well, after that dramatic opening, I’m sure you’re wondering what on earth ‘Imposter Syndrome’ is?

Aka – “What if they find out I’m a fraud?”

Definition:

I’m sure you have just read the above and thought – ‘Yep, guilty’. It can affect anyone, regardless of creed, colour, gender or career level.

So here’s my story…

India

I was asked to go to India for work to do some coaching/training on people engagement, effective management and communication. I would be working with the India Management and Leadership to foster better working relationships with their teams.

In case you have missed the memo, by my own standards I am certainly not a leader. At least not yet anyway.

AND, WELL, TIMING IS EVERYTHING.

I was delighted to have been asked. I was excited to visit a country I’d never been to before. But … I was also anxious that I’d be found out.

“Who is this girl” (I would prefer woman, but Imposter Syndrome was in full swing)

“What does she know about management, if she’s been doing it for like 5 mins?”

“I am a career level above her! How can she advise me on engaging with MY people?”

The thoughts were endless. The spiral has begun. #ImposterSyndromeConfirmed.

With all the fears and disruption that Imposter Syndrome brings, you can be sure that something remarkable is right around the corner.

All opportunities for growth are outside of your comfort zone, make leaving it a habit. Find it and stay there

Newsflash One, Two and Three

Newsflash One

As we are all aware we still live in a gender biased world and a country such as India is no stranger to this – in fact, in India, this is still very prominent.

Fear 1: I am a woman.

The feeling is that in India, I have to work a lot harder to gain respect whether I am deemed to have the skills or not.

Newsflash Two

India operates by a defined structure; in which challenging higher ups and their methods is unheard of. Moreover, you certainly wouldn’t be seen coaching anyone more senior than you.

Within the direct team I work in, I feel we operate Shared Leadership – “leadership that emanates from members of teams, and not simply from the appointed leader.”

So irrespective of my career level, I was chosen because it was recognised that I had the ability to lead or coach on this subject. But this wasn’t the case in India.

Fear 2: They were more senior than me.

Newsflash Three

India, somewhat unofficially, operates on a cast system. My naïve understanding of this meant that my colour, my blackness, would put me at the bottom of the food chain. At least … that’s what I thought.

Ok, so little old me: on the inside I am superwoman; yet on the outside I am a 28-year-old black woman. [The End]

Fear 3: I am black.

Needless to say, my Senior Manager is an incredible Leader. She embodies the idea of Superwoman in every sense of the word; from successfully driving a high-performing team of circa 200 across two continents to managing a multi-million pound Programme of projects. She does this whilst keeping a very happy team, with each individual feeling valued and appreciated. #Boss

Basically, if she decides she wants you to do something, it’s always with reason and foresight. She rarely makes mistakes. And Melissa going to India was no mistake.

It’s so important to surround yourself with people who challenge you in every way possible.

It’s great to have people like you; but the ones who will make a real difference are the ones who push you out of your comfort zone and then make you stay there.

Surround yourself with these people. As many as possible.

Failure to Plan, Plan to Fail

In the weeks leading up to India I did lots and lots of preparation.

I worked with my colleague (Tom) who had been to India previously to engage the team, which meant I had big shoes to fill. He’d built up a great rapport with the India team and knew how to interact with them. Tom was a whizz with people and he also helped to calm my imposter syndrome down.

(P.s everyone has a Tom at work right?!)

The framework I used was Tracoms’ Social Styles; looking at how different types of people like to be addressed, what environment is best for their growth and the manner in which to give feedback to get the best from your people.

Perception is reality, thus self awareness is integral to your success. Be acutely aware of how you present yourself others. To world, this is who you are.

#HarshButTrue

Are We There Yet?

I arrive at Heathrow, I’ve got my two suitcases, my handbag and laptop bag ready for my two-week journey. #DontJudgeMe

At this point, I am feeling quite privileged, I am excited about the opportunity afforded to me.  Despite all of the above, the ‘strikes’ considered to be against me, I was on my way to India and someone believed in me. Someone understood that I had the skills and aptitude to deliver what was needed.

It was time to believe in myself.

When given an opportunity, seize it.

Seize it with both hands and feet and do not be limited by your insecurities

Imposter Syndrome; get thee behind me.

Fake It ‘Til’ You Become It’

My first session was held in Delhi. It’s quite a traditional city – crazy heat and very busy. I had been advised to have an active ice-breaker. I love dancing and I love music so thought we could do a Bhangra Flash Mob.

https://youtu.be/ZyHYSmdZLac

Right – everyone’s warmed up and ready go. I had got their attention and shown I wasn’t afraid to be silly or let loose.

I whipped out my PowerPoint, started drawing on my flipchart and I was away.

I was completely in my element, the teams were engaged, everyone was laughing, smiling interacting and most of all asking questions. Engagement √

And guess what?

They respected me!  Regardless of my career level, my gender or my colour… my insecurities were in no-one’s head but mine.

I am not saying that all of the above is not a problem, in fact I am saying it is. It’s a BIG problem, however I did not let them control me or my actions.

You may not be able to control how things start, the end however, is entirely in your control.

I proceeded to have 1 to 1’s with Team Leads and Managers – they were receptive, inquisitive and had a clear desire to know more.

All of sudden Imposter Syndrome started to disappear, and was quickly replaced by my inner *Superwoman*

Mel aka Superwoman is passionate about people development,  is passionate about leadership, is passionate about happy productive teams and  finally Mel aka Superwoman is passionate about coaching.

What’s more, I realised this battle was internal only. I’ve written about this previously, you really have to continuously believe in yourself – your skills, your strengths  as well as understand your limitations.

I AM competent in this area. Yeah I said it. I am going to blow my own trumpet a little “Imposter Syndrome get thee BEHIND ME!”.

I have SUCCESSFULLY delivered these sessions in the UK. We have seen the difference it has made to individual and team development. I have read a tremendous amount on it, I have even attended training sessions on it in Chicago, for goodness sake. Why wouldn’t they be effective?

YES, I AM GOOD ENOUGH.    

These sessions were repeated in Bangalore, this was another engaging session, there was lots of role play and I successfully challenged traditional views on leadership.

Success √

Competence + Confidence = Career Success

Competence: Knowing your craft and mastering it

Confidence: Believing you are good enough

I am by no means at the top of my career – in fact this is just the beginning. But I’ve achieved something here.

I have travelled to a ‘foreign land’ and learnt to build relationships with a lot of the India Team I hadn’t worked with. I learnt to influence more senior levels without overtly doing so and I learnt to engage and motivate a completely different audience to any I’d worked with previously. I was able to convince this team to engage in concepts that were otherwise alien to them and challenge views on what effective leadership is.

Atithi Devo Bhava (Guest is God)

India was beautiful – the people, the weather and the country. It was beyond what I could have ever imagined. I found everyone really welcoming, friendly and happy to see me… which due to my insecurities came as a delightful shock.

I was taught this phrase “Atithi Devo Bhava” – this means “People who come to your country are to be treated as good as Gods.  (It’s like they knew about my inner Superwoman). I absolutely loved it.

What can you take away from this? It came at a point in my career where I was comfortable with my abilities.  India suddenly disrupted that. India was much more than those sessions and the friendliness of the Indian community – it came at a point in my career where I was comfortable, and it quickly disrupted that. In my head, I was out of my depth, it gave me a medium to deal with these fears. It showed me how they can be overcome.

Feel the fear and do it anyway. ~ Susan Jeffers

It was being out of my comfort zone and embracing it.

Imposter Syndrome can grip anyone at any point, without warning; and its normal. Though not ok. What’s most important is to understand that you can both control it and overcome it.

5 Takeaways

1. Seize every opportunity with open arms; and if it scares you? Well even better!

2. My fears were absolutely founded – (don’t let me bring up stats) but I didn’t let them limit me. You overcome Imposter Syndrome by not letting it stop you. Keep going. 

3. Make leaving your comfort zone a habit. Don’t ever get too comfortable.

4. You can do anything, because you are in control.

5. “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t; you’re right”. ~ Henry Ford 

 

 

Mel (Superwoman) x

 

 

If you’re interested in “Fake it til’ you become it’, check out Amy Cuddy Ted Talk on “Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are”.