Comfort Zone

How Travelling to India Disrupted Everything I Thought I Knew

~ Melissa Owusu ~ 3 Comments

Maybe disruption is a good thing

So, I’ve really struggled to write this post. It highlights a lot of very personal fears, which quite frankly, I thought I’d got over. One thing I have always promised myself is that these blog posts will be honest and authentic and this particular post is particularly vulnerable. I touch on issues I haven’t previously, but issues that are absolutely real and very relevant in today’s world.

The last time I wrote was in January.

I was geared up for 2016. I recognised the beauty of difficult moments and the way they helped me grow. I guess you could say I was pretty comfortable. Fast forward to April, and my comfortability is suddenly disrupted and it was clear this was going to be yet another turning point.

I found a new challenge; discovering the true meaning of something known as ‘Imposter Syndrome’. And where better for it to rear its ugly head than in India?

Well, after that dramatic opening, I’m sure you’re wondering what on earth ‘Imposter Syndrome’ is?

Aka – “What if they find out I’m a fraud?”

Definition:

overcoming-impostor-syndrome

I’m sure you have just read the above and thought – ‘Yep, guilty’. It can affect anyone, regardless of creed, colour, gender or career level.

Imp 2

So here’s my story…

India

I was asked to go to India for work to do some coaching/training on people engagement, effective management and communication. I would be working with the India Management and Leadership to foster better working relationships with their teams.

In case you have missed the memo, by my own standards I am certainly not a leader. At least not yet anyway.

AND, WELL, TIMING IS EVERYTHING.

I was delighted to have been asked. I was excited to visit a country I’d never been to before. But … I was also anxious that I’d be found out.

“Who is this girl” (I would prefer woman, but Imposter Syndrome was in full swing)

“What does she know about management, if she’s been doing it for like 5 mins?”

“I am a career level above her! How can she advise me on engaging with MY people?”

The thoughts were endless. The spiral has begun. #ImposterSyndromeConfirmed.

judith

With all the fears and disruption that Imposter Syndrome brings, you can be sure that something remarkable is right around the corner.

All opportunities for growth are outside of your comfort zone, make leaving it a habit. Find it and stay there

Newsflash One, Two and Three

Newsflash One

As we are all aware we still live in a gender biased world and a country such as India is no stranger to this – in fact, in India, this is still very prominent.

Fear 1: I am a woman.

The feeling is that in India, I have to work a lot harder to gain respect whether I am deemed to have the skills or not.


Newsflash Two

India operates by a defined structure; in which challenging higher ups and their methods is unheard of. Moreover, you certainly wouldn’t be seen coaching anyone more senior than you.

Within the direct team I work in, I feel we operate Shared Leadership – “leadership that emanates from members of teams, and not simply from the appointed leader.”

So irrespective of my career level, I was chosen because it was recognised that I had the ability to lead or coach on this subject. But this wasn’t the case in India.

Fear 2: They were more senior than me.

You are not good enough


Newsflash Three

India, somewhat unofficially, operates on a cast system. My naïve understanding of this meant that my colour, my blackness, would put me at the bottom of the food chain. At least … that’s what I thought.

Ok, so little old me: on the inside I am superwoman; yet on the outside I am a 28-year-old black woman. [The End]

Fear 3: I am black.

Needless to say, my Senior Manager is an incredible Leader. She embodies the idea of Superwoman in every sense of the word; from successfully driving a high-performing team of circa 200 across two continents to managing a multi-million pound Programme of projects. She does this whilst keeping a very happy team, with each individual feeling valued and appreciated. #Boss

Basically, if she decides she wants you to do something, it’s always with reason and foresight. She rarely makes mistakes. And Melissa going to India was no mistake.

It’s so important to surround yourself with people who challenge you in every way possible.

It’s great to have people like you; but the ones who will make a real difference are the ones who push you out of your comfort zone and then make you stay there.

Surround yourself with these people. As many as possible.

Failure to Plan, Plan to Fail

In the weeks leading up to India I did lots and lots of preparation.

I worked with my colleague (Tom) who had been to India previously to engage the team, which meant I had big shoes to fill. He’d built up a great rapport with the India team and knew how to interact with them. Tom was a whizz with people and he also helped to calm my imposter syndrome down.

(P.s everyone has a Tom at work right?!)

The framework I used was Tracoms’ Social Styles; looking at how different types of people like to be addressed, what environment is best for their growth and the manner in which to give feedback to get the best from your people.

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Which type best describes you?

Perception is reality, thus self awareness is integral to your success. Be acutely aware of how you present yourself others. To world, this is who you are.

#HarshButTrue

Are We There Yet?

I arrive at Heathrow, I’ve got my two suitcases, my handbag and laptop bag ready for my two-week journey. #DontJudgeMe

At this point, I am feeling quite privileged, I am excited about the opportunity afforded to me.  Despite all of the above, the ‘strikes’ considered to be against me, I was on my way to India and someone believed in me. Someone understood that I had the skills and aptitude to deliver what was needed.

It was time to believe in myself.

When given an opportunity, seize it.

Seize it with both hands and feet and do not be limited by your insecurities

Imposter Syndrome; get thee behind me.

Fake It ‘Til’ You Become It’

My first session was held in Delhi. It’s quite a traditional city – crazy heat and very busy. I had been advised to have an active ice-breaker. I love dancing and I love music so thought we could do a Bhangra Flash Mob.

https://youtu.be/ZyHYSmdZLac

Right – everyone’s warmed up and ready go. I had got their attention and shown I wasn’t afraid to be silly or let loose.

I whipped out my PowerPoint, started drawing on my flipchart and I was away.

I was completely in my element, the teams were engaged, everyone was laughing, smiling interacting and most of all asking questions. Engagement √

And guess what?

They respected me!  Regardless of my career level, my gender or my colour… my insecurities were in no-one’s head but mine.

I am not saying that all of the above is not a problem, in fact I am saying it is. It’s a BIG problem, however I did not let them control me or my actions.

You may not be able to control how things start, the end however, is entirely in your control.

I proceeded to have 1 to 1’s with Team Leads and Managers – they were receptive, inquisitive and had a clear desire to know more.

All of sudden Imposter Syndrome started to disappear, and was quickly replaced by my inner *Superwoman*

Mel aka Superwoman is passionate about people development,  is passionate about leadership, is passionate about happy productive teams and  finally Mel aka Superwoman is passionate about coaching.

What’s more, I realised this battle was internal only. I’ve written about this previously, you really have to continuously believe in yourself – your skills, your strengths  as well as understand your limitations.

I AM competent in this area. Yeah I said it. I am going to blow my own trumpet a little “Imposter Syndrome get thee BEHIND ME!”.

I have SUCCESSFULLY delivered these sessions in the UK. We have seen the difference it has made to individual and team development. I have read a tremendous amount on it, I have even attended training sessions on it in Chicago, for goodness sake. Why wouldn’t they be effective?

YES, I AM GOOD ENOUGH.    

Believe in yourself

These sessions were repeated in Bangalore, this was another engaging session, there was lots of role play and I successfully challenged traditional views on leadership.

Success √

Competence + Confidence = Career Success

Competence: Knowing your craft and mastering it

Confidence: Believing you are good enough

I am by no means at the top of my career – in fact this is just the beginning. But I’ve achieved something here.

I have travelled to a ‘foreign land’ and learnt to build relationships with a lot of the India Team I hadn’t worked with. I learnt to influence more senior levels without overtly doing so and I learnt to engage and motivate a completely different audience to any I’d worked with previously. I was able to convince this team to engage in concepts that were otherwise alien to them and challenge views on what effective leadership is.

Atithi Devo Bhava (Guest is God)

India was beautiful – the people, the weather and the country. It was beyond what I could have ever imagined. I found everyone really welcoming, friendly and happy to see me… which due to my insecurities came as a delightful shock.

I was taught this phrase “Atithi Devo Bhava” – this means “People who come to your country are to be treated as good as Gods.  (It’s like they knew about my inner Superwoman). I absolutely loved it.

What can you take away from this? It came at a point in my career where I was comfortable with my abilities.  India suddenly disrupted that. India was much more than those sessions and the friendliness of the Indian community – it came at a point in my career where I was comfortable, and it quickly disrupted that. In my head, I was out of my depth, it gave me a medium to deal with these fears. It showed me how they can be overcome.

Feel the fear and do it anyway. ~ Susan Jeffers

Fear

It was being out of my comfort zone and embracing it.

Imposter Syndrome can grip anyone at any point, without warning; and its normal. Though not ok. What’s most important is to understand that you can both control it and overcome it.

5 Takeaways

  1. Seize every opportunity with open arms; and if it scares you? Well even better!

  2. My fears were absolutely founded – (don’t let me bring up stats) but I didn’t let them limit me. You overcome Imposter Syndrome by not letting it stop you. Keep going. 

  3. Make leaving your comfort zone a habit. Don’t ever get too comfortable.

  4. You can do anything, because you are in control.

  5. “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t; you’re right”. ~ Henry Ford 

 

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Mel (Superwoman) x

 

 

If you’re interested in “Fake it til’ you become it’, check out Amy Cuddy Ted Talk on “Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are”.

Mentors, What’s The Big Deal Anyway?

~ Melissa Owusu ~ 11 Comments

Ok, so ‘mentor’ is a massive buzzword at the moment, it’s normally preceded by the words ‘I need a…’ It probably comes hand in hand with career progression, passion or purpose. Funny enough it is an essential part of my journey so I thought I would share with you how I found my mentor and how she made a huge impact on my life and continues to do so.

So really, what is the big deal anyway?

Why, even a wannabe Superwoman needs a mentor;

  • She overcame a job that made her severely unhappy – alone
  • Unemployment where she questioned her self-worth and almost became hopeless – alone
  • In her first year of work where she challenged her own ability – alone

Well I guess it’s just that, the above though hard & testing can be done alone. To achieve real career success, professional credibility and influence in any field, you cannot do it alone and there is nothing more powerful than someone who has travelled that road previously.

Studies show the most successful people have mentors, Steve Jobs (Apple) mentormked Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook), Larry Summers mentored Sheryl Sandberg (Facebook COO and Creator of Lean In), and Jaz- O mentored Jay-Z (Hip-hop Millionaire Mogul and Entrepreneur)

I am so very excited about sharing this part of my journey with you; arguably this is when my transition began. I was no longer a graduate; now I am a professional in my own right and needed someone to kindly show me the way.

Where am I?

August 2012, two years into a great role and my skill-set, along with my confidence, has grown exponentially. I’ve also been introduced to red wine – Malbec to be precise, blame that on one of my old Directors.

I now have around 20 key accounts under my belt, won by me and now managed by me.

My role has developed into a product specialist and I was hanging with the bigwigs at the top of the BT tower. Meetings were held at the W Hotel and guess what? Yep, I was still power-dressing. #Consistency.

Oh and I’ve also managed to win me an iPad for going above and beyond my job role.

Life is sweet.

But ermm… so what next?

I had hit the glass ceiling, this company was small, with middle-management near enough non-existent and the next level up from my position was Director. Though I wanted to be Superwoman, I wasn’t quite ready for Directorship after 2 years… #Awks.

Turning Point; I Need A Mentor

Mentors; they have been there, done that and have the T-shirt to prove it. They have both the benefit of hindsight and experience… and you will be happy to know that 9/10 want to help someone else reach their potential. #Fact. 🙂

Mentor knowledge

Who better to learn from and seek guidance from?

Mentors can give you perspective, they are aware of other professions and can therefore advise on where you could be best placed (even if you don’t see it)

Mentors possess skills such as empathy and leadership. They are great communicators and advisors, most importantly they are likely to have a great (MASSIVE, HUGE, LARGE) network of which you can hopefully tap into.

Basically they have the ‘know-how’ and the ‘know-who’.

At this point I had an idea of the life I wanted to live but no clue on how to get there… in fact I didn’t even know where to start.

Finding a Mentor 

Mentor wanted

The journey of finding a mentor is both uncomfortable and beautiful at the same time. You overcome the fear of rejection, you approach the unknown, you hope and when your Mentor finally does turn up, it is indeed beautiful.

BUT

You need to come prepared;

Mentors are great in helping shape you but they need to have something they can work with at the very least, they need a foundation.

Get Your House In Order!

I put together a game plan, in fact it was more like a 5 year plan filled with all the stuff I’d like to do career wise and what financial freedom looked like to me. It was jumbled and probably wouldn’t make sense to another person but having my aspirations down on paper gave me life… and direction. I could do anything #Superwoman.

I can confidently say that 3 years into living that plan, it’s happening and I’m very happy with where I am right now. The trick is to appreciate the small achievements.

After having a vision, I then became a bit of stalker and I unashamedly admit so. #JudgeMe, then read the below

Your career is too important to leave to chance

And what I mean by stalking, I really mean in-depth research on LinkedIn, google and company culture. I wanted a person that had a similar professional background to me and was now in a position I aspired to. Being a woman in Tech years ago when Marissa Mayer had just became CEO of Yahoo meant that though one door had been opened, finding other women in tech was still a rarity. I wanted someone who had climbed the ladder in a somewhat unconventional way and was relentless in their own pursuits.

Fast forward 3 weeks into August, I had found lots of great women; that, from their LinkedIn profiles to my google and company searches, fitted the bill… but one in particular stood out and only God knows why.

She worked for Microsoft and had also held positions at Avaya, Cisco and Vodafone – all massive Tech houses. I guess, what was distinctive about her was that she worked for every company that was on my 5 year plan. And you see, this is the importance of first having a vague vision before approaching a mentor, it helps guide your choice and ultimately your career.

She was pretty damn cool, she developed a bespoke solution that I knew of back then (and now) and she held a senior position at one of the most influential Tech houses of our time. She had to be the one.

Reach Out Even When It’s Scary

So after thoroughly researching her, I decided to reach out. #SuperwomanInAction

I was so SCARED, like what if she says no? What if she thinks who is this weirdo? To be honest she probably did think that. Worse yet, what if she simply doesn’t care, and I’m just in a long queue of people who have reached out previously. These self-defeating thoughts were having a field day… if it was negative, I had definitely thought of them.

I put together a message, it was vulnerable, I left myself exposed (to rejection) and in just over 100 words, I basically said ‘I need your help’. If I learned anything throughout this season, it is to

Be authentically you with yourself and others, ask for help when you need it

Mentors serve as guides, wise counsel but most of all they help you.
This is what I sent her:

Update with comments 2

I can tell you right now, at the very point I sent that message, I tried to recall it. Recalling isn’t a thing on LinkedIn FYI.

I was so badly gripped by the fear of rejection that it nearly got in the way of something amazing. Luckily, it had gone. It was in her inbox.

And my biggest lesson if I may…

Make rejection your best-friend, make it so that it cannot phase you nor dictate how you feel, your greatest achievement will come from rejection. Do not let it stop you.

1 day went past. You know… she’s busy, she’s Senior and works for Microsoft for goodness sake. Get a grip Melissa.

5 days that ‘rejection’ thing rears its ugly head again. This time I complained to my brother Aaron:

Why hasn’t she responded, I knew this was a bad idea… What makes me special’? He reminded ,me to be patient and… oh that if she doesn’t respond what exactly do I lose?

7 days 8:58pm she replies. I remember being out with one of my friends and then I screamed. Little old me, Melissa Owusu, a nobody, a young lady with nothing more than dreams of being an influencer within Tech… this woman who strategises for the bigwigs at Microsoft replies with…

Marwa with comments

And The Rest Is History…

True to her word we met up, it was a quaint little coffee shop in Chiswick, London. Nervous? Yes I was, though I was armed with my 5 year plan and 5 poignant questions:

  • What inspires you?
  • Why did you agree to meet with me?
  • What should, and could I be doing next?
  • What were your challenges and how did you overcome them
  • Can you help me?

I don’t think it’s necessary to call out all her responses, but one in particular left me gobsmacked. (That rarely happens)

Why did you agree to meet me?

She said that in the early parts of her career, she had flown out to Nortel’s (now Avaya) annual technology conference in Las Vegas. She messaged the Vice President and President of Nortel on LinkedIn asking to meet her in Starbucks for a coffee and ‘catch up’. Needless to say she was offered a job on the spot and started with them two weeks later. A few years following that she was head-hunted for Microsoft… because obviously that’s ‘a thing’ and it happens all the time.

I was like…but ermm… I mean I didn’t exactly fly out to ANOTHER COUNTRY, and she said, but you reached out and that is the most important step, it usually always works.

Reach out, it’s the most important step

She changed everything, she inspired me and encouraged me, she advised me on new roles and the world of work that is out there. She taught me to believe in myself and to see the value of my skills wherever I go. She even taught me how to negotiate my salary 🙂

And the rest is history, by the time I left my old company, I had 3 jobs offers, all of which were large Tech Houses (all from my 5 year plan) and I had the choice as to my next steps and my career (we will discuss that transition in my next post).

Here I am working for a Top 4 Technology Consulting firm, managing Projects over £1 million pounds and, a team of 11 as well as Sales & advisory work. I can honestly say reaching out to her was one of the best things I have done for my career and she continues to support me up to today.

I hope I have left you empowered…empowered enough to reach out. X

Mel

In a world of fads and fashions, have the courage to stake out a domain where you are the expert. You won’t be all things to all people, but when you do compete, you’ll win

 

 

My First Year in Work And 3 Lessons I Found Hardest to Swallow

~ Melissa Owusu ~ 7 Comments

So you will remember, after six whole months, I finally have a J.O.B. (that’s a job, for normal people). Not just any job. A good job. A job well suited to me – one that was going to propel me towards my destiny (Superwoman); a job that would be challenging and give me the opportunity for development.

This company was awesome. It was small enough to know all your colleagues, yet it had enough gravitas in the market to be exposed to business technology in a way I never thought possible.

My Director was training me to become a Business Development Manager (BDM) ~ fancy title aye? My role essentially was to help sell new technologies/solutions (namely in IT and Telecoms) and become a specialist in Cloud based solutions and their capabilities.

I would have to prospect for new business, design high level solutions to meet business requirements, support the delivery of these solutions and Account Management. (I realise I have just become one of those annoyingly corporate people that just uses all these words, half of which make absolutely no sense to anybody in the real world! Feel free to reach out and I will clarify)

I was dealing with large contracts, large sums of money and ermm… some pretty senior people. Like I’m talking interfacing with MD/CEOs of small to medium enterprises. #NoBiggie.

Surely this should be the most exciting time yet… why was I filled with so much fear?

Mel's belongings
I came back from my 6 months review to find this…  I ended up spending 3 great years with this company : )

1.    You Are Good Enough

Ok down to the facts:

At this point, my experience was limited to 87 days on a fake business management trainee scheme and 6 months unemployment, whereby the only thing I had been on time to was a trip to the Job Centre.

Despite this, I power dressed, I power walked (yup … this is an actual thing) and I power spoke (projected confidence). Yet under this veneer, there was a whole heap of self-doubt. Am I good enough?

For a start, being one of the youngest people in the office sometimes left me feeling alienated – my experience was limited (if not at zero) and quite frankly, I wasn’t sure I could actually do the job.

  • Can I sell complicated Business Technology solutions … of which I currently know nothing about?
  • What if my clients find out I have a law degree rather than computer science or a degree in that area?
  • What if I say or do the wrong thing, worse yet what if my handshake is weak?
  • What if I look stupid?
  • What if I am not good enough?

This continued for months and actually, I got the very same feeling when I moved to my current job. Everyone seems to go through it – both male and female; regardless of level or seniority.

What I have learnt however, is that, the key is to believe in yourself and your capabilities – after all the person who hired you clearly does. You need to be OK with asking questions and asking for help.

In my opinion, you need to spend time with ‘you’ getting to know your own USP.

AwesomeYou need to look around you, work out who is in position that inspires you and seek to imitate them with your own personal twist.

Find out what works for you, and what you’re good at, and make sure everyone knows it – but don’t be cocky about it.

In my case, I sought to imitate  my director:

He was an extraordinary salesmen and relationship manager. He had the innate ability to ask the right questions; getting to the root cause of a business problem whilst being endearing and credible. He was basically like a CSI detective.

I was going to copy everything from his questioning skills, his leadership style to his desire to build long lasting business relationships.

Always find someone in the workplace that you can model yourself on, it will serve as both inspiration and direction

Practical Tip:

  • Write down 3 skills you have, work out how you can develop them, either by being coached or reading
  • Find a role model within your company and ask them how they overcame their self-doubt
  • Finally, don’t be afraid to ask lots of questions

hjjklkkl;

2.    The Expert Was Once a Beginner

Everything comes with time – experience included

After 7 months at the company I had sold my first account.  I could officially call myself an Account Manager as I actually had an account to manage. My client was a luxury carpentry/joinery company located just outside of London. I had built a strong relationship with both the Finance Manager and one of their Directors. Funny enough, this company was my favourite account … Shock.

Their Director had requested we provide pricing for an additional product. At the time, we didn’t offer the product that he wanted, so I had to go via a third party. The third party quoted me £30k for this product and I remember thinking… ‘£30k damn that’s a lot – more than my salary.’ (Bear in mind this is without margin or mark up, so no profit). I decided to call up the company director.

 “Hey Carl, we can provide you with this product, its £30k but as you are a valued client we are offering this to you at cost”

Right now, I am thinking “Yes Mel, great work, nice sales tactic there, girl you are SO clever… you are winning in life” #FistPump

Well … I wasn’t really.  Even if it did sell, we would make no money and therefore no profit which goes against purpose of my role. #Awks

Understandably when my Director found out, he was not best pleased – I think his words were along the lines of

‘How does a business make any money if you’re selling products at cost price because you like the person?”

Yeah, I was out- I had nothing, no response, no excuse, nothing.

Following that incident, my director began coaching me around business revenues, profits and margins. He said to me “It is OK to make mistakes, it is not OK not to learn from them”, furthermore it’s better that it’s done earlier on in your career. (Though the fact the client didn’t buy the product probably helped me keep my job)

The point from the above is that, we are all beginners once and that’s okay.master

In fact, embrace it – use the time to fail, to make mistakes, to gain industry/product knowledge. The fact is most of our important lessons come through trial and error and with time these lessons will shape you and your career.

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Take time to be a master of your craft and to actually understand what you do. Take time to be a beginner.

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3.    Get Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable

Probably my greatest lesson…

“The days you are most uncomfortable are the days you learn the most about yourself” ~ Mary Bean

Get comfortable with being uncomfortable because days where I would feel frustrated, scared and sometimes even teary, were the times I was learning, developing and growing. Moving out of your comfort zone births new things, things you never even thought were possible. In my most uncomfortable days, I began to understand myself better, what I like and dislike,what I am good at (and bad at), values, passions and subsequently – my career.

Being uncomfortable is great; it changes mindsets, it causes you to focus, it encourages you to do whatever it takes to hit that goal. Ultimately being uncomfortable dictates your behaviour; if you hate a job it will cause you to leave, if you don’t understand something it will cause you to learn, if you’re not happy with your life, it will cause you to do something that makes you happy and if you’re doing just OK… it will cause you to do better.

When my Director would set me, what seemed like, impossible sales targets which put me completely out of my comfort zone, I would embrace them (rather than just cry- I cried a lot). It was in these moments that I began to ‘fly’. It was in these moments where I began to read more.  I read blogs, industry magazines and autobiographies of great business minds, whatever it took to get me hitting those targets.  Being uncomfortable changes behaviours.

Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. It’s going to happen a lot throughout your career; these are the precious growth moments and with this let us not forget; pressure is what turns coal into valuable diamonds.

“In life you either need inspiration or desperation” ~Tony Robbins

These are the points when change comes.

Mel x

City Girl
Me, in my first year of work : )