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I Missed Promotion. I Failed.

~ Melissa Owusu ~ 3 Comments

goals2nd January 2017 – my annual day of goal setting and reflection.

Both activities are powerful; refection gives you perspective and gratitude whilst goal setting provides focus and much needed motivation for the year ahead.

A new year; another 365 days to create a new and improved story.

2016-2017 goal setting was distinctively more positive than the previous year. 2015 ended on a low, as such 2016 started on an uphill struggle.

You see, at the end of November 2015, I was told that although I had been supported for promotion, I wasn’t successful.

Holding back tears with the horrible lump in my I throat, I said to my Career Counsellor:

“ok, thanks for letting me know”

I put the phone down and I cried. I cried hard. I had deliberately held back any tears on the phone because I wanted to appear ‘strong’ or ‘un-phased’… but sometimes being strong is acknowledging how you feel and dealing with it.

Stop keeping up appearances – it’s not worth it

And at that moment, the emotions came flooding out. It was a disappointed cry; the type of cry where you’re like ‘why am I crying’  but you can’t stop crying, then you become further frustrated with yourself because you are still crying.

Then you’re like ‘ARGHHH . Teeth gritted. Hands clenched.

23rd November 2015 was not a good day.

The previous 11 months, I had worked my ass off. Crazy hours, (though productive) harsh feedback and personal promise to challenge myself in every area of my role. I was exhausted.

For me, this missed promotion represented a significant professional and personal failure.

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 “Hi, I’m Melissa and I’m Superwoman a failure.

I moped around my house. My confidence was hit. I was angry. I felt humiliated and if I’m honest there was a little resentment mixed up in there too.

I’m a failure. Superwoman who? Nope. Superwoman doesn’t miss promotion.

Side note: I felt very strongly about sharing this. We all talk so freely about our highlights – we go on Facebook/Instagram and boast about how great life is. We speak about our achievements – like it happened over night and failing first never happened. It’s annoying, not to mention a damn right lie.

Well…

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Good ole’ Winston!

No-one ever succeeded without failing first. Fact.

 

So after all the tears, you’re probably thinking  what next? Did I quit?

Well, you may remember the post I wrote about how I met my amazing mentor – well she’s still around, offering invaluable advice and guidance.

The conversation was short and sweet.

Mel: Hi Marwa, I am really upset, I missed promotion. They have said its likely for next time which is another 6 months but I don’t feel valued and they don’t deserve me.  (I was super emotional… if you haven’t guessed already)

Marwa: Hey Mel, sorry to hear this, it’s always hard missing promotion – we have ALL been there. One question before you make this dramatic decision.

Mel: Sure, go on

Marwa: Are you still learning?

Mel: Yes, I am, BUT…

Marwa (interjects) :  No buts. If you’re still learning, you’re still growing, and this company is absolutely the best place for you.

You only quit when you stop learning. If you haven’t stopped learning, then you continue. You continue with the utmost commitment and integrity.

 

1.   Accept it.

 

Just imagine, you had built yourself up for this moment. You had browsed the Prada website to pinpoint your promotion gift to yourself. You’d searched Zoopla for a flat to buy with your new salary increase. You planned even more holidays – because you deserved it.

But I didn’t get it… and I had to be reminded this is was no pity party. Thank you Doreen. (See text message)

img_1834-002And so, my advice is to allow yourself to feel these emotions (in private). There is something very dangerous about unchecked emotions. Do not let them consume you to the point that you act irrationally. You do not want to make a bad decision based on a temporary emotion.

Cry if you want or sit in silence if that feels better.

Go out with friends – let your hair down but I implore you to please deal with these emotions. And when you do, deal with them positively.

It’s ok to not be ok but it’s not ok to quit.

You are a potential Leader. Leaders are resilient – they cry sometimes and this doesn’t make them weak – instead they pick themselves up, dust their shoulders off and they continue. They keep going.

Be open to recognising your own faults, so you can grow as both a leader and a human being.

Do some self-reflection. The best leaders are self-aware and use this to lead others.

He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened ~ Lao Tzu

 

2.   Be ok with failure.

 

Unfortunately, it is a part of life. Whether we like it or not, we will all experience failure at some point in our lives.  The more successful you get, the more it’s going to happen and the more it hurts. But the more it happens, the quicker you get over it. So, get used to it.

Remember:

In order to succeed, you need to be willing to fail.

  1. It happens
  2. You get over it
  3. It builds character, perseverance and integrity
  4. It doesn’t define you
  5. Its only temporary providing you don’t quit
  6. And you better not quit
  7. Because Superwoman is not a quitter (neither are you)

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The truth is; the promotion – a career level jump was a big step outside of my comfort zone. I’d go from a big fish in a little pond to a little fish in a big pond. Quite frankly, there was always a risk of failure.

Do I regret going for it? No.

Have I learnt? Yes.

Did I get over it? Yes.  

Take risks – you might fail but you might not and if you don’t, well it could be the best thing you ever did.

 

fall

 

 

3.   Gain Perspective

 

I’m quitting.

*ALERT* knee jerk reaction in progress

I clearly wasn’t valued and to wait another 6 months for the next promotion round was too long and would impact my life goals severely.

*Cue the Drama Queen*

Sometimes we get so caught up in the goal, that we forget the journey is equally as important

We forget that in order to even get to our target destination there is an incredible amount of work, growth, perseverance and mini achievements along the way. Just because I was not promoted in December 2015 did not mean that suddenly the professional growth I’d experienced was reduced to nothing.

It does not mean that my competencies that I’d worked so hard for were suddenly not good enough or diminished. It may have meant that I had a little more growing to do, but that’s it.

That is it and that’s ok.

It also didn’t mean that opportunities would suddenly stop coming my way. You will remember a post I did on my travel to India – an opportunity like no other.

I learnt that my professional competency cannot be reduced to a title or one level; there are many levels in between.

Take time to appreciate your mini-achievements – cumulatively these create the big achievement.

In my case – the promotion.

A missed promotion was simply a stumbling block. I continued. I didn’t quit.

I aspire to be a great leader – one that is authentic in my actions, one that possesses great integrity and character. Missing promotion in December 2015 was needed for this. It tested not only my leadership style when things didn’t go my way but actually who I was as a person. Would I quit? Would I lash out? Would I decide everyone was against me? Would I suddenly stop doing great work?

No.

I still had a team to lead, I still had a (large) project to deliver. It tested my ability to understand and appreciate the bigger picture.

Most importantly, it tested my ability to deal with failure.

To my horror – it’s not just about me.

Failure was quite possibly the biggest and best lesson, because where Superwoman is going, there will be a lot more failures along the way. And at least now I know that the feeling of failure is temporary.

You are only defined as a failure if you quit. Just keep going. 

I was promoted in June 2016 and 6 months later; this is how my 2016 ended:

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I continued. I didn’t quit.

Until next time,

A More Mature Superwoman

Mel x

7 Reasons Why 2015 Was A Year of Growth And Now I’m Ready For 2016!

~ Melissa Owusu ~ 2 Comments

So, I’m going to jump forward in time for you a little.

Last time I wrote, I had been lucky enough to reach out to an amazing woman (via LinkedIn), whom I’d never met, who then went on to become my mentor. I spoke about the power of reaching out and how that first step has changed my professional life thus far.

Fear? What fear?

Superwoman? Oh hey… yeah that’s me.

Melissa Owusu.

Today is the 31st December 2015 and with the New Year imminently approaching, like most people, I tend to reflect on my achievements; both personally and professionally.

As always, I am going to share my professional journey in the last 12 months with you. It’s authentic, it’s real and not always fabulous; but it’s a journey nonetheless.

I hope you’ll read this and be inspired – 2015 was a year of growth. But 2016 will be a year of produce.

 

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Sometimes, I am so focused on the future that I forget to enjoy the present and that’s exactly how I started 2015. I don’t know about you, but I seem to be in such a rush to get to the next chapter, I struggle to just live in the present and sometimes you need 365 days to remind you that the present really is a gift.

Here goes…

I’ve been in a constant state of flux. What do I mean by that, you ask? Yeah, I had to work that out myself. For me, it was essentially a constant movement of both the greatest moments ever versus the worst moments ever, where I questioned everything and those horrible doubts from my first year of work would resurface.

Ironically, when reflecting on these moments, I’d grow (loads). Both the greatest and the worst moments taught me to believe in myself, and realise that this self-belief must be a conscious action all the time. It has taught me the importance of consistency whilst, at other times, I’ve learnt how to evolve, adapt and change to such a fluid environment, such as the workplace.

I can honestly say this year has taught me how to be better, a better professional, a better consultant, a better manager, a better direct report, a better listener, a better leader, a better Melissa.

The only person you are in competition with is yourself and therefore this year, I won.

 

 

Below are 7 reasons as why this year has been one of growth and boy! Am I grateful.

1.    Nothing beats hard work but working harder and smarter is a winning formula.

Damn, this year I worked my ass off. It wasn’t just the late nights and the odd early morning (I am not a morning person FYI) or;  the fact that I was worn down and super tired like every day, actually  It was the mental energy applied – the constant reading and shadowing of more senior staff. It was making a conscious effort to be being better at all elements of my role and working out the best way to accomplish that. It was hearing the harsh truth from my manager that I am difficult to manage and that in itself was hindering my own advancement. In fact, I think that was the first time since joining the firm 2 years ago that I cried, not a pity party but one of frustration and self reflection. Melissa needs to get it together.

The hardest things to hear are often the best things to change the way you think, the way you act and inspire growth

 

 

2.    I learnt, still learning what it takes to be a good Manager

I walked into 2015 as a mid-level consultant, a perfectionist, always wanting to do things myself and struggling to delegate (because obviously I am Superwoman).

But now, I am walking into 2016 as a Manager, one that’s still learning, using my ability to connect with people as leverage to coach, mentor, encourage support and lead a team. I learnt to let go, I learnt to teach, I learnt to give feedback, I learnt to be ok with other people making mistakes. I learnt that that was the only way to learn.

Most importantly… I learnt to understand individuals different to myself; helping them improve in the way they learn best.

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A  text I received from a someone I managed, they got promoted!

 

3.    I learnt to Self-Motivate

This was one of the hardest growth points. There were days when quite frankly – CBA[1]. The project may have been running at red (not good), with difficult clients and the team needing more time for growth. But to be honest – the above are just excuses. Get over them!

You have to be able to come in and just get on with it regardless of circumstance. You still have a job to do and a team to lead. Work out how to do better, then do better.

Successful people are successful because they didn’t give in. There’s no other secret formula.

I have learnt to self-motivate when I can’t be bothered; a tool that’s been invaluable this year and will be continue to be in the many years to come.

give up

 

 

4.    There is something you can learn from everyone, regardless of level. Don’t be fooled by hierarchy.

I learned from one my direct reports[2] that I was terrible at explaining tasks that I wanted done. I’m talking really crap. I’d then get frustrated as to why it wasn’t done the way I had asked.

I always think at 100 miles an hour; which isn’t always conducive to learning new things. She taught me to slow down, to breathe and would clarify the task to me to confirm both parties had understood the request. I then adopted that method with my management.

I’ve also been inspired by interns. But one in particular – shout out to Mariam. She reminded me to be present, to be grateful for what I do but to also dream big and allow nothing to stop me.

Everyone you meet has something valuable to add. Don’t be a hierarchy snob, you may just miss your growth lesson.

 

 

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Mariam and I

 

 

5.    Adapt or get left behind… just like Blockbusters

Yes, so I work in Consulting and they say that 1 year in Consulting is equivalent to at least 2 years in industry. Mate. They were right!

This year I have I’ve completed way more than I anticipated – a core consulting role, Procurement lead, Sales lead, Project Manager, People and Engagement Lead, Recruitment and Resourcing and strategized for my client.

And now, I’ve ended as a Programme Manager with a team of 11. Sometimes, I’ve had to do these all at the same time.

I’ve learnt to ask questions without fearing whether people think I’m stupid or not. I’ve learnt to rely on peers for guidance and support; working smarter. I have learnt to adapt to all these roles even when I struggled to grasp the responsibilities and do you know what?  I have LOVED it.

There are many factors to career progression, your ability to adapt is vital.

 

 

6.    Your career, it’s a marathon not a sprint

My Manager has said this to me quite a few times this year and to be fair, aside from the fact she is right… it was just annoying. I want it and I want it now. #Millennials.

I have finally taken time to process it. A marathon is lengthy; it’s about endurance, perseverance and the ability to push past your comfort zone. The ability to keep going when you feel likeendurance giving up… and that’s exactly it. Your career on average will span 30 years, to last that long and be the best you can; you will need to endure, to persevere and keep going when the going gets tough. You will need learn new things, acquire new skills and behave in a different way. Just like a Marathon, your career is a long journey, a long journey of growth.

 

So, finally, what does growth in 2015 look like for me? It looks like this: 

  • The ability to not only manage people but to lead them whilst constantly trying to better yourself
  • Ability to create compelling commercial propositions and deal shaping for very senior stakeholders within the financial services industry (£1m +)
  • Ability to present to senior stakeholders without fear, but confidence in my ability and experience. To understand how to not just interact with these senior stakeholders but how to engage and build long lasting credible relationships.

Funnily enough – the 3 attributes above were on my 2015 goals list 😉

So 2016 darling, I welcome you with open arms. For the foundation that was 2015 has been laid and the growth that was needed has been achieved. 2016 will bear the fruits of my labour #Harvest

What did your 2015 look like? How can you be better? If it wasn’t such a good year, what was the silver lining? there’s always a silver lining.

Our strength lies in our ability to put things into perspective; to recognize growth and learn from what seem like our hardest moments.

What will your 2016 be? In any case it should be everything 2015 was and more; the good, the not-so bad and the greatest yet.

Superwoman, signing out.

x

Check this article on 16 lists to jumpstart your 2016 Career, very useful!

http://www.inc.com/the-muse/16-lists-to-make-to-jumpstart-your-career-in-2016.html?cid=sf01001&sr_share=twitter 

[1] ‘Can’t be asked’ for y’all oldies out there

[2] (someone that reports to me/ I am responsible for their growth)